WHO SAID IT WAS A WONDERFUL WORLD?

Was that me? Hell yes it was!! And i meant it. But they say shit happens. Well indeed it does. I ended last week with my 6 month follow up mammogram. That was the most painful one i have ever had. It was a different tech this time. My nice sweet pregnant lady was on maternity leave. And by george this new one tightened the vise. Dang it hurt. I even bruised and i have never bruised from a mammo. Well anyway it was done and over with. Well wouldnt you know they called me back in for more pics. Just like the last one 6 months ago. So i think, again, this is the life of a cancer survivor. Just extra precautions because i have a history. So i went and had more pics taken yesterday. And it was a different lady but she was very gentle. No problems. Well that was till today. My cancer doctor called. Seeing his name on the caller ID of course i knew. Well i have to have a biopsy. And i honestly think, though at this point im in a panic anyway, but i think he wants me to consider a mastectomy on my only surviving breast. Well anyway he is gonna call the surgon and make me an appointment. At the very least another biopsy. Im sure it will be a complete removal of the are of concern. At this point im keeping my breast. Thats just the way it is. So we wait. Yet again. And Pray yet again. Of course i havent quit praying. Maybe slacked off a bit. But i guess i allowed myself to get to comfortable in my own skin. Just goes to show you, you cant take life for granted. So much for my wonderful world. It just came crashing down around me. But maybe im in a panic for no reason. Do you think i could be that lucky? Well i sure hope so. Cause i dont know if i can do this again. Im so emotionally drained. I just dont have the strength. So im gonna try my best to think positive. So for now i will continue to live and love and go on. Somehow, just go on.I dont know how to end this post on a happy note. I just have to stop writing till the next one. So Padiddle!!!!!

What A Wonderful World

Hello World, Well it has been a wonderful summer for me. The best i have had in 2 years. I had my annual mammogram last month. I was really dreading it for 2 reasons. One being that it was my first after my reconstruction and i was worried about pain, and 2 because, just because. So when the day came it went well actually. We did it and when the nice young pregnant lady went to look at the results as i waited before i could get dressed. But she came back and said i could get dressed and go. Yaaaaaaaaaaa i thought. Thats overwith. Then a few days later they called. I needed to come back for more pics the doctor saw something. So when i got there i asked her if she new what he saw and she let me read the report. All i could really get was 2 areas of what appeared to be calcifications. So we took about 6 more shots and she checked them and said i could go. So it was overwith again. So now i wait. Well when i get the report in the mail it said no apparent signs of cancer but he recomends a 6 month recheck. So i guess thats the life of a cancer survivor. Waiting, hoping, and praying a lot of praying. Well my daughter and me decided we wanted to take a little trip. When she was young we lived in Edinboro Pennsylvania for a few years. And in the summers we ewnt to Lake Erie which to us was like an ocean, since neither of us ahd ever been to an ocean. She wanted her kids to visit there. So we planned the trip. But we had another plan that we kept from her 9 year old son, Jeremiah. We had a friend that lived near a museum. It was called Tyred Wheels Museum. And they just happen to have a 1969 Dodge Charger that had been renovated to look like the General Lee from the Dukes of Hazard. Now my grandson jsut happened to be a huge Dukes fan. He has seen most of the shows on DVD. And loves that car. So we made that our main goal. To take Miah to see that car. So we left early on a sunday morning. We got close to our destination when we found a place to eat lunch. After we finished lunch there was a bunch of pamplets aobut things to see and do in the area. So angie picked up a couple things. And in the car she jsut happen to let a paper fall out of the book, which we recieved in the mail from the friend in Pa earlier. She showed it to Miah and it told all about the 5000 antique toys and cars and trains. Of course he wanted to go there. So we proceeded in hte direction of Tyred Wheels Museum. When we got there I saw the car in question sitting in the front yard so i pulled up there. His mom had her camera out and said "Miah whats that orange car there?" We had put the windows down and the people there could hear him carrying on about the General Lee. Man he was one happy boy. So we parked and met the friend that made this all possible and his girlfriend. SawdustJohn and Julie. They were both so nice and sweet. John went on about how he could hear miah in the car when he saw the General. So since the weather was warm Miah actually got to go for a ride. His mom in the back seat filming said he was speechless for the first time in his life. At one point the car backfired and Miah said "that didnt sound good". Ha Ha that boy. Then his mom said can i get a big hee haw. Man he gave the biggest heee haaww i ever heard. It was a dream come true for that boy. And us too. So we went inside and looked around after his nice ride. Its a beautiful place in the country. We had a wonderful time. So then we proceded to go on to the rest of our destination. We stopped in Edinboro to see where we use to live and drive around a while, then on to erie. We went to the hotel and rested for a bit then we drove to Presque Isle. Which is a penninsula out into the lake. The kids loved that and we got to take a sunset cruise on a quite large boat named The Lady Kate. We got some wondrful sunset pics. And the weather couldnt have been nicer. All in all we had a wonderful time. It was so nice to get away. So as you can see my summer has been fun filled. Finally i was able to enjoy it. So this is the life of this cancer survivor. living and loving life. And i never stop praying for continued good health. So i dont know when i will post again. I guess when i have something to talk about. untill then, blessings to all, Padiddle

Life is good

hello world, well spring has sprung. Finally. Easter flowers are up the trees are budding and the weather is terrific. and i feel better than i have for 2 years since this night mare started. yep i finally feel normal again. you know its funny but the pain i have had all across my tummy area from the surgery.it is finally gone. i dont know when it happened but it just dawned on me one day that it didnt hurt any more. oh man what a relief. finally to be pain free. i noticed that i can flop over in bed now instead of turning slowly. its so cool. man i almost dont know how to act any more.but looking forward to being able to get out side and do things. my past 2 summers have both been shot. first with chemo then with the reconstruction surgery. i was suppose to go back to my plastic surgeon but i canceled the appointment. he just wanted to talk about more surgery. and as good as i feel now there is no way i am gonna put my self through that again.it is just not worth it.i am getting to old to worry about little things . i have a life and i am gonna get on with it. i have put my family through enough. my husband and daughter were great through all this and i love them bunches. so we all can live a normal life now. just enjoy life. so for now i am gonna do just that. my next big thing is a mammogram the end of june and i will probably not post any more till then. so say prayers for a good out come for me. love and blessings to all.
Padiddle

It is a bright new sun shiny day

Today i had an appointment with my radiology doctor. It went well.She was glad to see that i am feeling god and had more hair. Even though it is still very much thinner. Its hair i dont care if its pink yellow or blue. It hair. And it on my head.I am proud as a peacock. So anywho i had an appointment with the lady who fits people for prosthetic breasts after i saw my radiology doctor. Well as you may know if you have read my blog. I had breast reconstruction surgery in june of 06. However it didnt go well for me. After 3 months of fat necrosis and stuffing holes and a second surgery to repair the problems with the first surgery. I had 2 smaller areas of fat necrosis holes to stuff for about another month. needless to say what i ended up with is not pretty to look at unfortunately. And though i had the right side reduced to match the left side they built. The left side is much misshapen and smaller than the right. The doctor wants to do another complete surgery using tissue from my back to fix it. Well now that i am finally feeling normal after these 2 years of trials and tribulations there is no way i am going through this again. Thus the appointment with the "boob lady". Anyway i had already decided regardless of the out come i was done with surgery. So we met. And to tell you the truth i really didnt expect this to have a positive outcome. I just didnt think there would be a prosthesis that we could get to fit well over the bump i had there. Guess What? WE DID . HOORAY. I walked out of there as happy as a bug in a rug. With 2 MATCHING BOOBS!

That is not the plan i had in mind certainly. And knowing what i know now. I would never have had the surgery in the first place. But as they say hindsight is 20/20. So in a way i am back where i started. after my mastectomy. Wearing a fake Boob. But you know what its my body . And quite frankly scarlet "I just dont give a damn". So there you go. Thats my story and i`m sticking to it.

Paddidle

birthdays

well i had a birthday. Feb. 6th i turned half a century old. to say the least it sucks. but such is life. i bought myself an 80 dollar of Chanel #5 perfume. wow i love it. i don't feel any older. might look older. but then don't we all. life goes on so they say.

and also this month my grandson Jeremiah had a birthday. HAPPY BIRTHDAY Miah. nanny loves you. i bought him a pair of roller skates. he and his mom and sister had been skating a few times and he wanted his own pair. then we all went skating , well i didn't. never been on a pair and don't want to start now. if i put on skates and fell it would take a few good men to get me off the floor. my joints aren't what they used to be . between the damage chemo does to your bones and the arthur i inherited from mom my joints are not good. so anyway the kids had a good time. i really loved watching everyone skate. it really looks like fun. wish i had done it when i was young.

i go back to my surgeon next month. i am still contemplating what to do. i know he want to do more surgery . and i would love to have this mes fixed. but knowing the horror that i have already been through i just don't think i can do it again. so somehow i have to learn to adjust to not having an evenly shaped pair of breasts. i still have a lot of pain from the surgery's i have already had. and i just cant put myself back in to recovery mode again. all my incisions still hurt. not to mention my whole abdomen still hurts where the stomach tissue was tunneled up through. it has just turned out to be a horrible mess. i really wish i never had it done. it was a lot of expense for not only us but not to mention the insurance company. all that money wasted. for nothing. but pain.

on a lighter side i went for my 3 month check up with my oncologist. finally my blood counts are all back to normal. and still cancer free. thank you Jesus. so really i guess i shouldn't complain. and i really don't much. i think about it all a lot and yes there is pain everyday. i wonder if it will ever go away. but i am alive and well and have a wonderful family and husband. who by the way also had a birthday this month he was 51. my doctor has scheduled my annual mammogram for sometime in June. boy am i dreading that. the incision around my good breast is so tender i don't know if i can stand the vice . hopefully by the end of June it will be OK.

till next time blessings to all.

Padiddle
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Sago mine memorial

January 2nd marked the 1 year anniversary of the terrible accident that killed 12 people. one miner, Randall McCloy, who was with the 12 is the sole survivor . It was a terrible fie days for our community. i cant imagine what the families must have went through. especially give the miscomunication that happened.

Happy Birthday Cassie

Today is my granddaughter, Cassie`s, 15th birthday. It seems like only yesterday that she was a baby. I still remember the first time she touched me. When she was born they lived about 3 hours away and i didn't get to see them that often and as a result Cass didn't really get to know me until she was a few months old. She was a little afraid so i couldn't really hold her and love on her like i wanted to. we were visiting them and she was just learning to walk. she would hold on to the furniture and walk along. i was sitting on the couch and she was holding on to the couch beside me and she reached and put her little hand on my knee. That was the first time she had really reached out to me on her own. i will never forget that. i felt like we really came to know each other that very moment. she has always been so special to me. i don't know what it is about grand kids but they are just very special. i worry my but off about them. Cass and Miah both. but anyway Angie took Cass and a few friends skating tonight. i hope they have lots of fun. Happy birthday baby girl and remember you will always be my baby girl. love, nanny

She is Hot Stuff in her Redwings!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!