PTSD

Again it has been 2 years to the day since my last post. I dont really have much new to report accept that i now have Osteoarthritis in both knees. I had a Cortisone injection in the right knee 11-08-2017. So far it seems to have helped. This post is about a phone call i recieved yesterday. You see there is a law suit I am included in about Taxotere, one of the chemo drugs i recieved. It seems that it caused Alopecia. or permanant hair loss. I had no idea it was permanant untill i started seeing the comercials on tv. Yea stupid me, I was still waiting and hoping that the rest of my hair would still come in. Even after all these years. So anyway i got a huge packet of papers to fill out and i tried my best to answer questions that i knew nothing about. Then i sent them back to the attorneys. Yesterday a lady working for them called me to go over some things that i had apparently either left blank or not answered. Most of them had to do with Alopecia. Had i ever been tested for it? Hell i never knew i even had it so how could i be tested for it and the more she asking me the more i thought about the chemo again and standing at the mirror gently pulling out all my hair all the while crying. thinking about the way my arm burned when the chemo went in. the way it made me feel it just all came back. So i started crying and she never even acknowleged that i was crying. When we finally hung up i had to take a shower and get ready for my doctor appointment to get my cortosone shot. I had to wash my hair because as i told her i never go anywhere but my own property without washing it. I continued crying in the shower and after i got out. Ben told me to sit down and take a breather. I did and finally did stop but geesh. Its just so upsetting to think of all those feeling of the unknown future i had at that time. Sometimes when i have to have blood work it happens too. If the vampire is not experienced enough to do it right the first time. if she then has to move the needle and try a second or third time i go back to that same awful experience of chemo and the way they had to start in my hand and that one would blow then move to my wrist and that one would blow then up my arm grrrrrrrrrrrrr. sometimes i was there all day. It was a nightmare. So do i hate cancer? yes i do. It and the treatment has become my PTSD event and yes i hate it. Padiddle