birthdays

well i had a birthday. Feb. 6th i turned half a century old. to say the least it sucks. but such is life. i bought myself an 80 dollar of Chanel #5 perfume. wow i love it. i don't feel any older. might look older. but then don't we all. life goes on so they say.

and also this month my grandson Jeremiah had a birthday. HAPPY BIRTHDAY Miah. nanny loves you. i bought him a pair of roller skates. he and his mom and sister had been skating a few times and he wanted his own pair. then we all went skating , well i didn't. never been on a pair and don't want to start now. if i put on skates and fell it would take a few good men to get me off the floor. my joints aren't what they used to be . between the damage chemo does to your bones and the arthur i inherited from mom my joints are not good. so anyway the kids had a good time. i really loved watching everyone skate. it really looks like fun. wish i had done it when i was young.

i go back to my surgeon next month. i am still contemplating what to do. i know he want to do more surgery . and i would love to have this mes fixed. but knowing the horror that i have already been through i just don't think i can do it again. so somehow i have to learn to adjust to not having an evenly shaped pair of breasts. i still have a lot of pain from the surgery's i have already had. and i just cant put myself back in to recovery mode again. all my incisions still hurt. not to mention my whole abdomen still hurts where the stomach tissue was tunneled up through. it has just turned out to be a horrible mess. i really wish i never had it done. it was a lot of expense for not only us but not to mention the insurance company. all that money wasted. for nothing. but pain.

on a lighter side i went for my 3 month check up with my oncologist. finally my blood counts are all back to normal. and still cancer free. thank you Jesus. so really i guess i shouldn't complain. and i really don't much. i think about it all a lot and yes there is pain everyday. i wonder if it will ever go away. but i am alive and well and have a wonderful family and husband. who by the way also had a birthday this month he was 51. my doctor has scheduled my annual mammogram for sometime in June. boy am i dreading that. the incision around my good breast is so tender i don't know if i can stand the vice . hopefully by the end of June it will be OK.

till next time blessings to all.

Padiddle
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